the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
