My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think my moral compass just broke
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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