You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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