the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
