so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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