you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
