I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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