I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
