i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
