Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
