I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
