Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
