She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
