...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
