Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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