In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
