Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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