i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
