I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
