Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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