So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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