His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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