Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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