some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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