We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
