YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
