A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
