Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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