Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
