You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
