Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize