She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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