I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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