It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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