where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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