did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
