tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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