You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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