You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
