found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
