what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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