we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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