did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
