I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
