i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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