My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
