AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
