The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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