Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
