Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
