I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Randomize
